


Houses of Sand

by sister_wolf



Category: DCU (Comics), Teen Titans (Comics)
Genre: Implied Childhood Sexual Abuse, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-01-04
Updated: 2006-01-04
Packaged: 2017-10-12 05:37:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/121380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sister_wolf/pseuds/sister_wolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Roy still isn't sure if he didn't do more harm than good, in the end.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Houses of Sand

**Author's Note:**

> One line of dialogue taken directly from The Titans issue 17, by Devin Grayson. Spoilers for Infinite Crisis issue 1.
> 
> Warnings: Brief, non-graphic mention of childhood sexual abuse; mention of consensual sex between a 17-year-old and a 25-year-old.

Roy re-reads the brief report, as if reading it again will somehow make it make more sense.

**Damage, aka Grant Emerson. Former member of the Titans, current member of the Freedom Fighters: missing, presumed dead.**

Presumed dead. What does that even mean? _Who's_ presuming? What the hell happened out there? He wants to shout, to rage, to kill the goddamned messenger if that's what it takes to get answers. But there _is_ no messenger; it's just one of Oracle's automated reports on the status of current and former Titans, something that he'd asked Dick to arrange for him years ago. It's not the first time that he's gotten notification of the death of a Titan-- the horrible irony of receiving one in his inbox a few hours after Donna died, when he could still almost smell her blood on his hands...

And he still can't quite believe that it's real, that Donna's alive again. If death isn't permanent anymore, if Donna can return from the dead, if Ollie, if Hal, if fucking _Jason Todd_ can, then what the hell does this report mean? What does "presumed dead" mean when the doors between life and death seem to be permanently cracked open?

Grant-- god, he'd been so young. So fucking strong, to have gone through everything that he had _(At least when the bad guys hit you, you're expecting it.)_ and still remain unbroken. Hell, the kid re-started the fucking _universe_ that one time. He looked up to Roy, trusted him, told him his secrets _(I thought he was my dad. I thought he loved me.)_ and Roy still isn't sure if he didn't do more harm than good, in the end.

_(Show me that it doesn't have to hurt.)_

He knows that leaving Grant on the res was the best thing he could have done for him at the time. _(The sky out here is so big. I look up at the stars and sometimes... I don't feel angry, or scared, or anything.)_

The other thing-- sometimes he thinks it's the worst thing he could have done. Sometimes he just doesn't know. Dick would be disgusted with him, if he knew. Donna would probably castrate him for the good of the species.

_(I need to know that it's okay to want this.)_

And now Grant is dead _[missing, presumed dead]_ , and he'll never know _(I never got to choose before, and I think-- I think that I do. Want this. Want you.)_ if it really was the right thing to do. He'll never get to see Grant grow up, grow out of the last bits of gangly adolescence and into the man Roy always knew he could be.

He'll never get to ask him for forgiveness.

_(I don't know why I'm crying. Just-- just don't freak out. It's okay. I'm okay.)_

Opening a channel to Oracle, Roy asks the familiar green pointy face for all details on the last known whereabouts of the Freedom Fighters. It's probably too late for Grant, but putting the hurt on the bad guys is what the Outsiders do best.

He may not be able to save Grant, but at least he can avenge him. For what it's worth.

"I'm sorry, kid."

_(I trust you.)_


End file.
